A common stereotype impressed upon Asian parents is that they are tiger parents: overly critical parents who pressure their children not only to achieve academically but also strive for perfection. It is believed by some that with all this energy being put towards pressuring their children into exceeding in their education, barely any is left to provide affection and love towards their children. Tiger parenting suggests that Asian parents lack love for their children and instead replace it with strict parenting.
However, is it really true that Asian parents simply lack love for their children? I beg to differ.
The film Everything Everywhere All At Once (EEAAO) explores the Asian mother-daughter dynamic between mother Evelyn and her Asian-American daughter Joy whilst they navigate through different universes that challenge their perceptions of reality. This film depicts generational conflicts and unclear demonstrations of affection that Asian mothers exhibit towards their children. Ultimately, themes in EEAAO debunk the idea that Asian parents don’t harbor love, but instead suggest that their unconditional love is buried under a plethora of generational conflicts and cultural aspects that inhibit their demonstrations of affection.
EEAAO uses the symbol of an everything bagel to depict American-born daughter Joy’s assimilation into American culture as well as the indirect communications from mother to daughter about the value of family.
That probably doesn’t make sense– but let me explain.
The all-consuming bagel-shaped portal implies that the universe, no matter which one, doesn’t matter– and that everything is pointless. “If nothing matters, then all the pain and guilt you feel for making nothing of your life, it goes away,” (Jobu Tupaki). Jobu Tupaki, a figure that seems to have infiltrated Joy, has manipulated Joy’s vulnerable teenage mind, demonstrating how many teenagers develop extreme emotions such as anxiety and depression that can sometimes align with the belief that nothing matters.
The everything bagel flavoring is a mix of a variety of flavors from garlic to sesame seeds, which in EEAAO, serves as a metaphor for the plethora of ways an Asian mother shows her child love– whether it be through cutting up fruit and bringing it to her child’s room or criticizing her child’s certain decisions or actions in order to protect them. However, these methods of showing affection are used by some Asian mothers as a replacement for directly telling her child that she loves them. All in all, the bagel symbolizes an American-born teenager’s ignorance of familial values as well as the variety of ways that Asian mothers use to communicate love to their children in a way that beats around the bush and avoids a direct communication of love.
This recurring theme of generational conflict in EEAAO promotes the idea that Asian mothers often find alternative ways to show their children affection as opposed to directly telling them. Due to the children being unable to fully recognize their mothers’ love, they are prone to deviate from the value of family as well as their cultural heritage. This cutoff contributes to the emotional disconnect between Asian mothers and their children.
Regarding my own experiences feeling affection from an Asian mother, my mom is very soft, gentle and kind– embodying a quiet aura that doesn’t directly expose her burning love for me. I believe that my mom harbors unconditional love for me– but I have trouble noticing it through her indirect acts of affection.
This may seem like a weird example, but even when she forces me to call back the restaurant that gave me moldy food, she is doing it not because the money i’d used originally belonged to her (and she wants a refund), and also not only because she doesn’t want me to be sick– but because she wants me to get accustomed to standing up for myself in the real world, as that’s the only way that I can thrive and rise to my best potential.
Overall, Asian mothers don’t lack love for their children– they simply don’t show their affection in ways that their children can understand. The abstract film EEAO turns out to not only be a depiction of how Asian mothers beat around the bush when showing their children love, but it also serves as a message to Asian parents to show their children love before it’s too late. Love from Asian mothers, though on the outside may seem absent, really is extremely strong. It’s in every piece of dialogue, every piece of action, every piece of criticism.
Direct confessions of love are what is lacking in Asian households– and, more importantly, what is needed.
UNFILTERED 
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